When asking for feedback

When asking others for their feedback, ask them to let go of the past (people see others through filters that have been formed through past experiences. Unless people realize this and let these filters go, new behaviors may not be recognized.) Ask them to tell you the truth. Ask them to be supportive and helpful with you to do better, not cynical or negative. Ask them to also pick something to improve upon themselves--so everyone is focused more on improving rather than judging.

When receiving feedback

Stop asking for feedback and then expressing your opinion (which usually ends up defensive or argumentative). Ask, "How can I do better?" Solicit their advice rather than their criticism. Make sure the feedback is directed towards the future rather than obsessed with the negative past. Let them know you plan to act on the feedback. Then act on it and "advertise" every time you do.

It is a whole lot easier to see our problems in others than it is to see them in ourselves. Even though we may be able to deny our problems to ourselves, they may be very obvious to the people who are observing us.

How to gather your own feedback

Make a list of people's casual remarks about you for a few weeks…particularly humorous remarks. Also, turn the sound off. Watch how people physically deal with you. Is their body language different than their words? Do you see any patterns you need to improve upon in your interactions?

Listen to yourself

Watch your "self-deprecating" remarks. Example: When someone says, "I don't have any ego invested in this," you know immediately that the issue is all about ego. These pseudo self-deprecating remarks-- the ones you say about yourself but don't believe--are habits of every day communication. You should be on high alert when you hear yourself making these remarks…they may be giving you feedback about yourself. Are any of these remarks indications of areas for improvement for you?